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You would do anything for your child. It hurts when you see him or her struggling. Maybe there has been a family trauma. Maybe a parental divorce and you want to make sure your children are doing OK. Maybe your child is anxious about school, has bullies they are dealing with, friendship issues or grappling with feelings of self-worth. Maybe they are struggling with issues such as drugs, sex or cutting. There are tons of reasons your child might benefit from counseling. First, give yourself some praise if you are thinking about helping your child with therapy. It might feel as if you failed somehow but you haven’t! Life is difficult for adults and it is sometimes even more so for children and teens.
I believe counseling can be valuable for everyone. I would caution you to consider, that therapy for a child or teen, may look different than for an adult. As an adult, we know why we are going to therapy. We may be looking for someone to clarify and ground us or looking for answers to numerous different questions. At some level, we buy into going to therapy for ourselves, but your child may not have the same buy-in for their therapy, Even though I believe the relationship is always paramount, an adult may find what they are looking for in a few sessions, but this more difficult outcome when working with children. The dynamics are different in child therapy.
Continue reading “Considerations – Your Child and Counseling”
Although May is just about over – speaking out about mental health is ongoing.
(This article originally appears:http://mswonlineprograms.org/2016/mental-health-awareness/)
Did you know May is Mental Health Month? May is designated to highlight the discussion of mental health and helping fight stigma. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) indicates that over 43 million adults live with a mental illness every year – that is approximately 1 in 5 adults in the United States. This means that you know many people who are struggling with mental health issues. If you are in a helping profession you are likely encountering many individuals whose mental health is affecting their day to day life.
What can you do to promote mental health awareness and your own mental health?
Keep up the discussion for mental health awareness all year long.
Hello! Happy Spring. I’m in completely into my “I am not wearing socks until next winter” season. I don’t care if it 46 degrees out – tomorrow is May and I’m not giving in.
Here is my April MSW online blog post about Social Workers and dealing with clients and loss. The original link is http://mswonlineprograms.org/2016/social-workers-and-professional-grief/
Although social workers often see the very best of people, there is no doubt that the average worker also sees much sadness and struggle. Some social workers practice among poverty and violence. Some work with individuals who are physically ill or dying. It is safe to say that social workers treat an array of people and problems.
This sadness can add up. I supervise a team of care coordinators who work with individuals who have high acuity of physical and/or mental health needs. They are transitioning clients from a long term setting into the community. Although they see lots of success, they encounter loss each day. They listen to people’s stories which are wrought with loss. They watch people relapse into addiction. They watch individuals deteriorate physically and sometimes decompensate mentally. They have clients die under both expected and unexpected circumstances. This can be wearing on workers. When we experience loss we often feel grief. Grief is one of those uncomfortable feelings we often try to avoid.
Most of us understand personal loss. Personal loss includes things like a death of family or a loved one. It may be loss of a pet, a job or of a dream. It may be loss of an idea or transition to another stage of life or a divorce. We deal with personal loss by using our support system and talking about it. We have rituals and memorials. We use self-care. Much of our personal life is seen by people we love so there is support. It can be somewhat different for professional loss.
Professional loss is what we experience in our work lives with clients. It is different from personal loss because the relationships are different and often we don’t stop and take a moment to acknowledge and grieve. Professional losses are often internalized. It is possible we might go home and say we had a rough day or maybe even say a client died but we can’t share much of our experiences with family and friends so we miss out on the support you would get when family and friends are sharing the loss with you.
Some thoughts to remember about professional grief:
The nature of Social Work is that there will always be loss we are working with. I remind my team (and myself) that it is worth it. We witness and help heal people. That even though there is continuous loss that we listen to people’s stories. We may not be able to fix everything. We may not be able to stop a relapse or stop a client from dying, but we have the opportunity to honor their self-determination and really hear their story. That is the gift we give our clients most of all. Take time to grieve the professional losses so you are able to continue witness and heal those with which we serve.
Happy New Year! I just want to wish everyone joy and prosperity for the new year! My wish for you is that you do that one thing you have been wanting to do. Take that chance, live that dream, believe in yourself. I want you to remember that you are worthy of love happiness.
I also want to share the link for my MSWonline blog post – Social Work and Spirituality!
MSW online blog – Social Work Practice and Spirituality
Enjoy each moment!
Happy October! My favorite month of the year and it is coming to close. I struggled with this month’s blog post for MSW online. I have a passion for helping people who help those with mental illness but had trouble with demonstrating that passion in my writing. This is geared to people considering a career in social work or new social workers, but I think it can be used as a nice primer for everyone!
Original blog post here: http://mswonlineprograms.org/2015/assisting-individual-with-a-diagnosis-of-mental-illness/
As a social worker, you often work with vulnerable and struggling clients. One such group, you may work with are individuals diagnosed with a mental illness. Mental Illness does not discriminate. Any population you work with, will likely have some people living their life with mental illness. Sometimes because of media portrayals and other misconceptions, working with people diagnosed with mental illness can be scary or daunting.
There are many types of mental illness. The DSM-V (where the criteria for different mental health diagnoses is listed) has about 991 pages.
Below are some basic definitions of common diagnosis you might come across.
One definition of Mental Illness I like is from the Mayo Clinic
Mental illness refers to a wide range of mental health conditions —disorders that affect your mood, thinking and behavior. Examples of mental illness include depression, anxiety disorders, schizophrenia, eating disorders and addictive behaviors. Many people have mental health concerns from time to time.
(www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/mental…/definition/con-20033813)
I like this definition because it normalizes mental health issues. Mental health conditions run on a continuum. Just like people, mental illness is complicated and some people struggle with more difficult issues than others.
Specific Diagnosis Definitions (Also using the definitions from the Mayo Clinic.)
Those are just some of the diagnoses you may come across in your work. Let me share some tips for a social worker to remember when working with this population.
Continue reading “Assisting Individuals With Mental Illness – October MSWonline blog post”
For my September mswonline post I wrote about self-care. Imagine you are a tea pot. It is vital you refill so you can share more tea. For some tips on self-care click on over and tell me what you think! I hope fall is treating everyone wonderfully and you are finding moments of joy and peace.
You are a Tea Pot. Self Care for Social Workers and Everyone Else!
For my August MSW online blog I wrote a quick overview on Technology and the Social Worker.
I am fat. I’ve been told this my whole life by both friends and society. Sometimes I will look at a photo of myself from when I was young and will wonder why everyone thought I was so fat. Maybe it was a self-fulfilling prophesy but I am fat and that has been part of my identity as long as I can remember. At times it has determined what risks I have been willing to take and what experiences I participated in. I would blame it for relationship troubles or truly believe it was one of the reasons for general unhappiness at different times in my life. As I’ve gotten older I am able to more often recognize that I am not just a fat person and my weight doesn’t determine my happiness. Also – and this important for people to remember about themselves too – what I weigh does not determine my worthiness as a person. I am going to repeat that. Our weight does not determine our worth as a person. The value I have as a human and my happiness are not dependent on numbers on a scale. Each of us is worthy of love, happiness and kindness, regardless of how much or how little we weigh or our physical appearance.
Right now I am doing the whole30 challenge. I get accolades about how great it is that I am doing this. If I lose weight, I will get praise for losing weight. People will say “You look so good.” Or “It is so great you are hanging in there.” I soak up any praise and it it is a motivator to keep eating healthy. However, when it comes down to it, if I choose to live healthier, if I lose 40 pounds or if I end up gaining 40 pounds – it makes no difference in who I am. I am a not better person if I weigh 40 pounds less. I will not be less worthy if I gain 40 pounds more.
In my private practice both women and men come in and virtually with each and every person there will come a time where there is a discussion about weight and negative feelings surrounding it. I have worked with so many teenage girls who have issues around their weight. They tell me “My mom (or my grandma) told me I need to lose weight.” These are teens who are active and within the norm of weight for their age and they will cry and ask why their parents can’t accept them if they don’t weigh the right amount.
Then I have adult women come in and tell me the same stories of family members and friends telling them they needed to lose weight. They are told they will be all alone in life because they are fat or if they didn’t lose weight they would never find happiness. Generally, these messages are well-intended. You want the people you love to be happy. Only, the feelings these messages induce don’t go away. It sends a subtle implication that you are not quite good enough because of your weight. You might not even notice you are saying these things to others or yourself because it is such a part of our culture. It is difficult to step away from thoughts about weight because American society is filled with the messages everywhere telling us that thinner is better.
When I started first grade there was a girl who told me she wished she could be my friend but she couldn’t because I was too fat to have friends. I wasn’t even six years old. Now, almost 40 years later I remember this and I know it became part of my identity. I don’t remember the girl’s name or face but I remember the conversation. Probably one of my brain’s first lessons on starting to believe “don’t be fat or you will be all alone.” How much more will words about heaviness stay with someone when it is a family or friend saying them. You might say “I worry about their health, I want them around for the grandkids” or a hundred other very valid reasons why someone would be better off losing weight. You are just trying to help. I would argue that if the person is an adult – they are very aware of how much they weigh. It only amplifies the shame to be reminded that your fat bothers others and you are not quite good enough because you don’t lose it. There are ways to be encouraging and supportive without adding to pain. It is up to the person to decide how they want to tackle their weight. People have very complicated relationships with food and weight. You can be pithy and say “just don’t put it in your mouth” but there are often many factors at play. It is not necessary for you to let someone know they need to lose weight. Even disguising it with “I worry about you” is still saying “you are not good enough because of your weight.”
I’m not saying you shouldn’t help your children be active and maintain a healthy weight. I would just say consider how you promote it with your children. Eat healthy and be active yourself. Don’t hold others to expectations you aren’t able to sustain. Live by example. Which also means recognize that each time you put yourself down for your weight or your eating or exercise habits you are teaching your children and others that your importance has something to do with your physical looks. You are even reinforcing your own beliefs. “See I’m not good enough because my body isn’t perfect.” Stop yourself when you find yourself putting yourself down. Stop comparing yourself to others. I bet virtually everyone who reads this has thought at one time or another “at least I’m not as fat as that person.” I have thought it. Unfortunately it just reinforces the idea that if I weigh less I am better. Being a little healthier than someone else does not give us the moral high ground.
Not making your weight be such a huge factor in your identity doesn’t mean someone can’t make changes and be healthier. I want to live healthier. I want to lose weight. I want a better relationship with food. These are reasons why I am doing the Whole30 challenge. However, this is my journey. If I don’t succeed I will be disappointed with myself but it doesn’t make me a failure at life. Conversely, if I complete the challenge it won’t make me a better person. Happiness, love, money and opportunity won’t just fall out of the sky to me because I shed a few pounds. My life will still be my life. If you are working on changing your weight do it for you and not because you think it will make others accept or love you more.
I want to note that it is OK to accept yourself at whatever weight you are. You don’t owe anyone explanations on how much you weigh. You are allowed to be happy and enjoy life and it is not dependent on your size. You are worthy of love and joy and you will find the people who really matter don’t care how much you weigh.
I know as someone who is heavy that it is easy to forget to live life because you are waiting to lose weight. Just don’t do that. I am working hard at living the life I choose, embracing opportunities and not letting my weight stop me from living. Whatever we are on the outside does not determine our happiness unless we let it. I know that it is easier said than done, but my hope is that instead of focusing on our perceived shortcomings that we instead embrace life. You are worthy because you are alive. Instead of feeling shame over your weight focus on embracing experiences, loving those dear to you and being kind to all.
Holding Hope Services 